2022 SGL Cup Playoffs: Round 1

It's the most wonderful time of the year! The weather is getting colder, Christmas is coming up, and the 2022 SGL Cup Playoffs are officially here. We have some teams familiar with playing football late into December and some trying to make this more of a holiday tradition!

Let's take a look at the 8-maids-a-milking and see which 4 might come up sour. 

1. Walter's Wizards (9-5) Proj: 126.2
vs
8. CDMX Bulldogs (7-7) Proj: 123.1

Congratulations to Walter's Wizards for securing the 1 seed in the 2022 SGL Cup Playoffs. The Wizards went on quite the hot streak to end the season, winning 4/5 and only posting less than 121 once. This is the second time in franchise history- '13; in '13, the Wizards defeated Grant's Gamblers in a way too close, 122-121. The Wizards have faced the Bulldogs 3x, actually, and are (2-1) against them in the playoffs. Most famously, this is a rematch of the 2015 SGL Cup Championship, where the Wizards defeated Juan In A Million 152-94.

The Wizards have yet to win in the first round of the playoffs since their last championship in 2015. and the fans are RESTLESS.

The Wizards are led by Travis Kelce- full stop. He's been the MVP of the SGL this year and the most significant differentiator across the league. With a not-too-distant silver is Jalen Hurts PRK1. Between these two, they total an average of 45.6 ppg. I haven't seen a more disruptive duo since Banks and Roger were both at State St.

Viva CDMX Bulldogs! The Bulldogs going into this past Sunday, had a 55% of making the playoffs. They took care of business against the Juleps and might be peaking at the right time, leaving the Wizards with a more formidable foe as an 8 seed. The Bulldogs have won 6/7 and have only posted less than 120 twice during those 7 games. It might have taken all year, but King Henry is finally in form.

The Bulldogs are back in the playoffs after their worst season in franchise history last year (3-11). They evaded punishment by staying south of the border. Still, the league office has been reassured they WILL serve their butler punishment come next August... bienvendios, Mexico, anyone?!

Before losing the Round Risen last year, the Bulldogs won the championship in 2020! They are tied with a league-high 5 top-3 finishes (Boister's Beasts). They are also tied for the most playoffs appearances at 10- with the Wizards. Does an in-person 

4. Gardner's Fire Ants (8-6) Proj: 115.6

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5. Grant's Gamblers (8-6) Proj: 116.3

Some- not all have referred to this as the 'Dallas Bowl .'There are more popular names in the league as the "Cupcake Bowl" and "Neither-of-These-Teams-Should-Be-in-the-Playoffs-Bowl ."Both of these teams are in the lower half in points forced, but they ultimately did what they needed to do.

The Fire Ants are back in the playoffs for the 3rd year in a row. For the past 2 years, they've walked away with bronze in each. In fact, every year since 2015, the Fire Ants have made the playoffs, and they've won in the first round.

The Gamblers are in the playoffs after a 2-year hiatus. The Gamblers finished with the 9th most PF this year, but astonishingly enough, defeated their toughest all-time opponent, Stull's Skulls, to clinch. The Gamblers before last week were (1-6) all-time against the Skulls. Hats off to the Gamblers, winning their previous 6/8 games after starting (2-4). Further, their last 3 wins were won by an average of 3.6 points.

This is the lowest combined projection matchup in the first round. The Fire Ants are familiar with this low scoring as opponents this year only scored an average of 104ppg. Fire Ant has the historical advantage as they are 7-3 all-time.

The last thing to say about this matchup is these two shared a day from hell returning from beautiful Port Aransas. Did something come out of that tow truck ride? Is this fate? Is it karma for the Gamblers to win since they had to be dragged through that?

3. Boister's Beasts (9-5) Proj: 119.2

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6. Jack's Mint Juleps (8-6) Proj: 124.8

The Juleps and the hobbling Beasts. The Beasts are (7-4) all-time against the Juleps. The Juleps protest this and any historical records dating before 2013. The Beasts are led by the most expensive player, CMC, at $74, and that piece of shit, Jamid Williams- who is now benched. The fact is for the Beasts to be (9-5) is what is wrong with a lot of fantasy football seasons and the luck involved. The Beasts had the 9th least PA and finished 6th in PF. You can see this in the schedule as the Beasts failed to post over 115 but one time in the last 6 weeks of the season- where they went (4-2).

The Juleps lead the league in PF this year. They missed the draft physically and in all other ways possible, too. This team- passed around in assembly as often as Julep's NOLA whore, put together the best regular season roster. The Juleps averaged 129ppg while allowing the second most, 124.5ppg. The Juleps and Wizards have always battled for the biggest Vader of the league, but from the recent polls, the Juleps are the most loathed going to the Cup race.

2. Sean's Swans (9-5) Proj: 139.5

v

7. Blaster's Hound Dogs (7-7) Proj: 108.4

A civil war on State Street. The Swans are experiencing, in a very humble and dignified way, their most successful season in franchise history. The Swans also made back-to-back playoff appearances for the first time in playoff history. They finished in the top half of PF and were blessed to finish with the 10th most PA. At the start of the year, the Swans had a league-best (6-0), but they went on to lose 5 of their last 8. The Swans have benefited greatly from the most potent stack of the year, but a Jack Frost might have other plans this week!

The Hound Dogs have had a tough year, guys. We finished with the second most PF- averaging 125.5. This came with an extremely talented ensemble led by the then PRK 1 and PRK 3 WRs. Unfortunately, while everyone was chanting "HDY! HDY!" there was a Judas among us- praying for a Hound Dog collapse. There are suspects, but with crimes like these, I think there is only One who can pass judgment.

The Hound Dogs have their backs against the wall. Kittle having his best game of the year left a Swan literally flocking over me at Kenneally's. On November 6th, the Hound Dogs were baptized into God's Kingdom- the GOAT title. So when you've already won, how can these Hound Dogs lose?